Time and trouble

Why is it that we often don’t make time for the things that bring us the greatest joy? Or maybe here’s the real question I mean to ask, and it’s a doozy: Why is it that when we don’t make time for certain things – things that maybe once brought us joy or things that feel burdensome – that we feel guilty?

Or is it just me?

There are certain things in my life that I used to give up just about everything for – capoeira, writing, performing my writing – that I’m finding harder and harder to work into my life. I’ve traveled across the country – and across the world – for capoeira workshops and events and yet, I haven’t been to a class in over a month. And because no less than 3/4 of my friends and acquaintances are through capoeira, I feel a hideous guilt over this fact. The truth of the matter is that sure, I’ve been working more jobs than anyone can count and I’m in graduate school – but in actuality, I’ve made time in my life for dance and there’s nothing left over for capoeira — certainly not the three times a week I’d been doing at one point.

I feel the blooming of friendships on one side, but some of those on the other side sliding away…and that makes me a little sad. Sure, I’ve made my own decisions about how to spend my time and I’m thoroughly enjoying my dancing life. And I fully recognize that capoeira led me to samba, so I’m not without a certain level of gratitude towards my capoeira life, however small it may be at the moment.

But does anyone ever feel like they’re spending their time on everything they should? Surely there are people in the world unapologetic about things they spend their time on – or don’t spend their time on to be more accurate. I need to figure out how to become one of them.

Published by adalavender

Burlesque dancer. Showgirl. Poet. Both lover and fighter.

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